Stupidity Moon
by David
Summary: These are parodies of actual SM episodes. Don't read if you don't have a sense of humor. NOTE: I don't like SM. This is not me poking fun at something I enjoy, it's me poking fun at something I think is silly.
1. Bad French Accent Day

# Stupidity Moon

## "Bad French Accent Day"

Serena:I'm studying.I hate studying.I'm stupid.Lets goof off!

Darien + Amy:Studying is fun.Learn more.Then you won't be an idiot.

Serena:Wow, anything Darien says to me makes me drift off into a romantic haze.Even studying with Darien is romantic.La la la la la…

Amy:Wow, books.Lots of college level books in a high school student's room.Using my mystical fortune telling skills I know that you are confused.

Darien:Wow, you're right!I don't know what I'm going to do with my life.My only goal is to bang sailor moo- er, study French!Yes, lets study French

Serena:Darien's so romantic!Wait, study French?Did he just say to study French?French is my worst subject!

Lita:That's funny, you've never said anything like that in the three or so years we've known you.

Serena:So?It's a special plot point about my character that was only made up for this one episode.

Rei:Hmmm, do you think maybe this episode will have to do with speaking French in some way?

All others:Nah, couldn't be…

Rei:**sigh**

### Doorbell rings

Serena:Wow, a chance to stop studying French before I even start!Even though it isn't my house, I'll get the door anyway!

### Serena jumps up and opens door

Serena:Even though you're dressed in a suit and have a cane, I think you're a newspaper salesman.

Rich man (with a bad French accent):I'm not though!I'm here to invite Darien to a ball filled with other handsome smart boys.

Mina:Wow, lots of handsome smart boys?Can I come?PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:Well, the party is really for people a little older than you…

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:You really shouldn't…

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:How many times do I have to…

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:No! 

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:No! 

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:No! 

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:No! 

Mina:PLEEEEAAAAASE?

Rich man:Oh for the love of god, fine!Come to the damn party!See if I care!

### Storms out in a huff

Mina:Now I can finally find some cute boy to be my boyfriend!

Darien:You should probably know that they all will be speaking French.Or at least English with a bad French accent.

Rei:I told you guys…

**********

Dr. Mad Scientist:HAHAHAHA!I love music!I'm soooooooo smart!HAHAHAHA!Hey, bitch with the computer!Get me a damn target!

Lady at Computer:Here is a person who has hope for the future!And even if he's a mistake, we'll be ridding the world of a bad French accent, so it's worth it no matter what!

Dr. Mad Scientist:HAHAHAHAHAHA!Listen to my waltz!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I'm a composer too!I'm sooooooooo talented!

Lady at Computer:Why the hell do I work for this guy?

_Car picks up Heartsnatcher and drives out from under a lake._

Lady at Computer (but who's now in a car):Remember kids, always buckle up!

**********

Mina:I still can't believe you guys made me leave my lasso AND my fishnet at home.How am I supposed to catch a boy?

Rei:Would intelligent conversation be an option?

Mina:And what would YOU know about intelligence?Oh no wait, Serena's the stupid one.Lets see, do you have any personality trait I can insult?

Rei:Actually, no.Serena and Amy are the only ones with personalities.Me, you, and Lita are all personality-less drones made to fill out the ranks.

Lita:Hey, that's so wrong!I have a great personality!Like I… uh…I'm tall and… um… Well, actually it's sorta right I guess.

Rei:See, that's why the writer had to invent personalities for us.I'm the sarcastic one who makes fun of the show, and Mina's obsessed with trying to "catch" a boyfriend.

Lita:What about me?

Rei:Oh, you're still a personality-less drone.

Lita:Hey!

Mina:Wow, look!Two handsome French boys and that old rich dude!And they're headed this way!**drool**

Serena:Holy shit!I wasn't listening at all when we were studying French!I'd better run away and cram!And as long as I'm over here, I'll get drunk too.

Amy:Serena, you don't get drunk!You get sick!This is the American version!The drunk thing gets censored out!

Serena:But it's not like anyone is fooled or anything.They know exactly what's going on, so what's the point?

Rei:That would be my question.

Amy:Look, whatever.Just do something.And lets try to get back to the script please?

Rei:I think we'd better get back to Mina before she finishes stuffing those two guys into her purse.

Lita:How could she!

Rei:You're right.I didn't know there was that much space in one of those tiny things.

Lita:We have to help them!

Rei:Oh, I dunno.Their accent WAS pretty annoying.

Lita:Exactly!Do we really want Mina dragging them everywhere with us?

Rei: Hey, not bad.Although, joke or not, you do have a valid point.

Rei, Lita, and Amy all stop Mina and free the two boys, who immediately run far away to talk to Darien.Mina pouts, but nobody minds.

Boy with bad French accent 1:Darien, how do you survive around these crazy women?

Boy with bad French accent 2:We would not last 5 minutes!In fact, we didn't.

Darien:It's difficult, but somehow I manage.

Boy with bad French accent 1:But why?

Darien:Well, mostly I just want to bang sailor moo- er, I mean, I, uh…

Serena waltzes in, very drunk.Uh, I mean sick.Whatever.

Serena:Wheee!Cooking!Simmer!Bake!Throw up!I'm an idiot!

Rei:Couldn't agree more.

Serena:Shut up!You aren't even in this scene.

Rei:So?We cut out the whole dancing part, and I'm sure the writer had a couple great lesbian jokes ready for you and Amara.

Serena:We didn't cut out the dancing part.That's coming up in a few minutes.

Rei:But I thought that you got sick, went outside with all of us, and then came back and there was the gas and the fight.

Serena:I know!Lets ask the writer!

Rei:For you, that's a surprisingly good idea.

Serena:Yoo-hoo!Writer-guy!

**YES?**

Rei:When does the dancing scene happen?

**DAMNED IF I KNOW.**

Serena + Rei:Huh?

WHY DO YOU THINK I'M MAKING YOU TWO ARGUE ABOUT IT?

Serena:But I thought you just watched the show a few minutes ago?

YEAH, AND IT'S ALREADY STARTING TO BLEND TOGETHER IN MY MIND.SINCE I'VE MADE REI THE MOST LIKABLE CHARACTER, I'LL LET SERENA HAVE HER WAY ON THIS.

Rei:Ah well, I still got the better deal.

WELL, GET ON WITH IT.START DANCING.OH, AND REI?

Rei:Yes?

** **

PLEASE, NO LESBIAN JOKES.LETS TRY TO GIVE THIS THING JUST A LITTLE CLASS, ALRIGHT?

** **

Rei:Oh, fine.

All six characters are now gathered together.

Lita:Hey look, it's Amara and Michelle.

Amara:You spelled my name wrong.

TOUGH.LIVE WITH IT.

Amara:Geeze, fine.Just trying to be helpful.

Michelle:We're not supposed to be helpful, dimwit!We're jerks, remember?

Amara:No, that's only when we're sailors.Now we're mild-mannered musicians.

Rei:Hey, did she just say that they're sailors?Could THEY be Neptune and Uranus?

All others:No way.

Rei:**sigh**

Amara:Look, lets just get this thing over with.Serena, get your butt over here and dance.Meanwhile, Michelle shall seduce your boyfriend.

Serena:Sounds good.

They dance.Then Serena and co. go outside, leaving Darien to grab some food.And see?Not only no lesbian jokes, but no Uranus joke either!Damn I'm classy

Darien:For some reason, a waiter with a full tray is going back into the kitchen.Oh no wait!Foul gas is coming into the room!While it knocks everyone else out in one breath, putting a napkin over my mouth renders me immune to the effect!I'll just go backstage and watch.

Lady at Computer (now away from computer and with a gun):Hey, old rich man!Don't move while I shoot you!

Rich Man:Ok.AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!

Neptune:Get ready to die!

NEPTUNE THINGAMAGIG!

Lady at Computer (now away from computer and with a gun):Hey, you shot the crystal out of my hand!

Uranus:And I picked it up.Wow, another mistake.What a surprise.

Neptune:Ya know, you guys really suck.You've had like 30 tries and you can't even get one damn crystal.

Uranus:Piece of junk.**tosses crystal negligently away**

The crystal land on Rich Man and melds back into him.

Moon (who has just entered from the balcony with friends, all morphed):Wow, you gave the crystal back to its owner!I guess you weren't such a jerk after all.

Uranus:I did?Hey, I did!Wow, that was unintentional.I gotta work on my negligently tossing.

Lady at Computer (now away from computer and with a gun):I'm leaving before you get a chance to do that stupid speech Sailor Moon!Go, Heartsnatcher!

Lady disappears, and the car trunk opens and smoke billows forth menacingly.

Mars:I wonder what fetish this one will have?

Moon:A gown.Definitely.

Mars:No way.Probably a painter.You know, with those French hat thingies and a bad accent?

Jupiter:Lord knows we've had plenty of those around lately.

Mars:Wow, another joke?Gee, are we getting a personality around here?

Mercury:I think it'll be a disco ball.Because we're at a dance party.

Venus:No way!I think it'll be a dreamy guy.

All others:…

Uranus:I can't believe I gave that guys heart crystal back!

The smoke clears, and there stands a lady in a dressing gown.

Mercury (stunned):Serena was right.

Mars:Is that a plague of locusts I see? 

Uranus:I'm…

Moon:I FINALLY GOT ONE!HAHAHA!I'M NOT AN IDIOT!

Heartsnatcher:Actually, this is just a disguise.My real form is a record player. 

Uranus:So…

Rei:My faith in the universe is restored.

Moon:That was my next guess!

Heartsnatcher:Now, it's time for you to die!

Uranus:MAD!

URANUS I-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT-THE-HELL-I'M-SAYING!

_Heartsnatcher blows up_

Neptune:You gave the guy back his heart AND you helped out those stupid sailors?Damn, you're having a really bad day.

Uranus:I know.Lets get out of here.

### They disappear.The Heartsnatcher reappears out of the smoke, in her true form.

Mars:Gee, a multi-form enemy?What are we, Square?

Heartsnatcher:I will shoot out a bunch of easily dodged notes!Gwahahaha!

Mercury:Somehow, we managed to dodge all of those attacks.

Mars:Yeah, somehow.Gee, talk about bad writing.

#### NORMALLY I'D ARGUE JUST OUT OF PRINCIPLE, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.JUST HURRY UP AND KILL THE DAMN THING.

Heartsnatcher:Wait!Let me use my ultimate attack!

FINE.JUST GET ON WITH IT.

** **

Heartsnatcher:Alright.I'll even skip the bad music puns.

All Sailors:Nooooooo!I can't breathe!Or move!Or something!We're doomed!

A rose flys by and breaks the record the heartsnatcher is using.

All Sailors:Thank you Tuxedo Mask!

Tux Mask:Music is good!You are bad!Go Sailor Moon!

Moon:Whatever you say, master!

MOOOOOON SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - SPINNY - HEART - ATTACK!

Heartsnatcher dies.

Venus:Umm, are we done yet?

SURE.WHATEVER.THE END.TUNE IN NEXT WEEK.ROLL CREDITS.

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**I SAID WE'RE DONE, OK?**

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**GO HOME DAMNIT!**

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**ISN'T THIS GETTING A LITTLE OLD?**

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**JUST GO.GO!**

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**THERE WON'T BE ANY MORE TEXT.**

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**REALLY, I SWEAR.**

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**FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ****LEAVE!**


	2. Mina's Suicidal Day

Stupidity Moon

"Mina's Suicidal Day"

Lita:Wow Serena!You just set a new personal record!

Serena:YEAH!I completed this test really really fast!

Rei:It's too bad you're not studying for a TIMED test.

Amy:And your answers are all wrong.In fact, the law of probability states you could have gotten a better score just by guessing.

Serena:Can't you guys let me have my happy moments in peace?

Rei:It's too bad you don't have anything to be happy about.

Amy:You can take the pain when Heartsnatchers fight you, so this should be easy!

Serena:It would be, except I'm a total idiot.And the reason I get hurt so bad when I fight Heartsnatchers is because I suck at fighting.My only skill is that neat heart rod I pull out of nowhere that kills people in a single hit.

Amy:Well, there has to be SOMETHING you're good at.

Rei:Eating.

Serena:Shut up.

Mina:Actually, it's true!You eat a lot!Haha!You're a really good eater!Hahaha!

All others:What's wrong now?

Mina:Nothing's wrong!Haha!What makes you think there's something wrong?Haha!Nothing at all!Couldn't be better!Haha!

Rei:You always act like a psycho when you're upset.

Serena:Which is basically every scene that features you.You're practically our little group's reject.

Amy:The only guy you're interested in is going out with another girl.

Lita:And he even knows you're a Sailor!You have to be pretty unappealing to counter the coolness of dating a superhero.

Rei:You were only included in this series to boost ratings.You were stuck in as an afterthought near the end of the first season.

_Mina runs from the room, crying._

Serena:You think we were too hard on her?

Lita:Yeah, but she'll come back eventually.

Rei:Yeah, where else is she gonna go?It's not like anyone would want her.

Amy:Wow, aren't we heartless?Hey, Mina's white cat, go see how she's doing.

Artemis:**sigh** How come no one remembers my name?

Rei:Because you're even more of an afterthought than Mina is. Do we really need TWO talking cat mascots?

Serena:Yeah, Power Rangers doesn't even have one.

Artemis:I know where I'm not wanted…

_Artemis runs from the room, crying._

********

Artemis and Mina are talking by some swings.

Artemis:Mina, what's REALLY the matter?

Mina:They are SOOO right!I haven't even had my pure heart targeted by the Heartsnatchers!I'm not worth the effort… **sob**

Artemis:So you're sad that the Heartsnatchers haven't attacked you and nearly killed you yet?

Mina:Yes!I'm so glad you understand how I feel!

Artemis:That's the stupidest load of crap I've ever heard.I mean it.

Mina:But it's like the Heartsnatchers are saying that I don't have a pure heart!

Artemis:And you take them as good judges of character?They've been trying to find a true pure heart crystal for 50 damn episodes and they've gotten nothing but mistakes!

Mina:I have to become purer!Oooooh!A blood drive!Suck me dry!

Artemis:**sigh**

********

Dr. Mad Scientist:How are things going, bitch?

Lady at Computer:There's a shadow appearing behind our photo of the purity chalice.Do you think it means something?

Dr. Mad Scientist:YES!It means that someone is close to getting the purity force!This goddamn series is ALMOST OVER!HAHAHAHA!

Lady at Computer:No one can be more enthusiastic as I, Doctor!I can finally quit this damn job!HAHAHAHA!

Dr. Mad Scientist:Do you have a target!I've picked a special Heartsnatcher for THIS mission!It's a… DOORKNOB!HAHAHA!

Lady at Computer:I have a target, but I won't show it to you so that there can be suspense.

Dr. Mad Scientist:It's Mina isn't it?

Lady at Computer:How did you know that?You don't even know who Mina is!

Dr. Mad Scientist:Yeah, but this entire plot is SO obvious.Also, I'm a genius.HAHAHAHAHA!

Lady at Computer:Whatever.Just gimme the damn Heartsnatcher.

********

Lita:Do any of you have moral qualms about spying on our friend?

Rei:Not really.Besides, it's not really spying.It's... well, spying.

Amy:See, look here:I've made a schedual so we can keep an eye on Mina 24 hours a day!

Lita:You don't actually expect us to do that, do you?

Amy:No, but I thought it would be fun to make the thing.

Lita and Rei:...

Serena (talking to Mina):Hey, are you still worried about that stupid pure heart thing?

Mina:Damnit!I want to get my pure heart taken!Then I can be a motionless blob and have a near-death experience!And I'll be worth something!

Serena:Look!The heartsnatchers are not very good judges of character.Besides, what if you don't get it back?

Mina:How many times have we fought the Heartsnatchers?30.And how many times have we not gotten the crystals back into the bodies?0.Have I made my point?

Serena:But what if, just this once, something bad happens?

Mina:Look, I'm an afterthought to this whole show, I don't have a boyfriend, and at the very least I want someone to think I have a pure heart!

Serena:But you don't!Er, I mean you do!You do!

Luna:Look, Serena is a complete idiot and they attacked her!Do you really want to be on her level of idiocy?

Mina:Hey, I haven't thought about that.You know what?You're right.I don't want my heart snatched at all!

Serena:Normally, I'd cheer, but I'm not sure I like how this turnaround came to pass.

Lady at Computer (now in a car with a gun):Hey, lady!Open wide!

Mina:Great, just after I reconsidered my position too.I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

**BANG**

Mina (clutching pure heart):Don't take my heart!I don't want to die!HELP!

_Mina runs down the street, screaming._

Serena:So the real Mina is a total coward.

Rei:Why am I not surprised?

Serena:Oh well, better get going after her.

_Serena runs down the street with the Heart car, Amara and Michelle in close pursuit._

Serena:Now I have Mina trapped in this small enclosed garage.Things are looking up!

Heart car drives in and pulls up next to Mina, who is now lying comatose in fear.

Lady at Computer (now by her car):I shall open this trunk and let out our most powerful Heartsnatcher yet!Doorknober, come out!

Smoke billows out from the car.

Doorknober:Damnit, I'm not a doorknob!I'm a locker!Or something like that.

Lady at Computer:Whatever.Just look this place up.

Doorknober:Fine, fine.

_Doorknober uses super magic power to lock all exits._

Amara:You didn't do it in time!We got in!

Michelle:Yeah, we're gonna kick your butt!

Amara (whispering to Michelle):Um, shouldn't we have transformed before we came in?

Michelle:Shit.

Lady at Computer:Whatever.Just sit there while I bend ever so slowly to get this crystal.My back, you know.

Serena:Oh no, I can't transform in front of them!

Michelle:Oh no, we can't transform in front of her!

Lady at Computer:Almost got it... just a few more inches...

Serena:Stop!I won't allow you to do this!

SAILOR MOON TRANSFORMATION!

Michelle:She's Sailor Moon?

Amara:Nah, couldn't be.Just because she looks, sounds, and acts identical AND she transformed in front of us... HEY!Wait a minute, she IS Sailor Moon!

Michelle:Genius.

Moon:I won't allow you to hurt this person I sorta like.I mean, she's not like my best friend or anything, but she doesn't make fun of me TOO much.She's also our little group's outcast so I don't have to be.So, get away from her!Oh yeah, truth, justice, love, you suck.Now DIE!

Lady at Computer:Doorknober!Attack her!

Doorknober:Hey, I'm a locker, not a fighter!

Lady at Computer:Jesus, where do we get these people?JUST DO IT!

Doorknober:Fine, fine.I'll, um, jump on her.She sucks so much it should work.

_Doorknober jumps on Moon and starts pounding the crap out of her._

Moon:Ouch!Hey!Stop it!The pain!

Michelle:Lets beat them up!

Amara:Can't we wait until they kill Moon?I never liked her anyway.

Michelle:I have a manicurists appointment in 10 minutes!We have to hurry!

Amara:Alright, fine.

SAILOR NEPTUNE TRANSFORMATION!

SAILOR URANUS TRANSFORMATION!

Moon:Wow, THEY'RE Sailor Neptune and Uranus?I never suspected, even though they look, sound, and act identical!

URANUS I-DON'T-KNOW-WHAT-THE-HELL-I'M-SAYING!

Neptune:Damn another mistake.**drops the crystal**

_The crystal falls back into Mina's body._

Uranus:Damnit!Not again.God.Lets get out of here.

Neptune:I would, but the exits are all blocked.

Uranus:Great, we have to help these people AGAIN!

Neptune:Afraid so.

NEPTUNE THINGAMAGIG!

Doorknober:Ouch!You knocked me off of Moon!

Moon:Ohhhhh... It hurts... Owwwwww...

Uranus:Get up, damnit.Kill the monster so we can leave.

Moon:Alright... The pain... Why me...

MOON SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Let me get this out of the car...

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Almost ready...

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Just a few more seconds...

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Got it!Alright, I'm ready!

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Is she still doing that?

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:Might as well break out some smokes...

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY-

Lady at Computer:God, get it over with!

SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- HEART ATTACK!

Lady at Computer:About time!

_Lady at Computer unleashes her super flamethrower!The Heartsnatcher dies but the flame prevents the hearts from hitting the Lady at Computer (now with firethrower)._

_ _

Lady at Computer:Hahaha!You suck!

_Mina awakens and manages to transform quietly._

SAILOR VENUS TRANSFORMATION!

Uranus:Normally, I'd warn her, but the look on her face will be just too priceless.

VENUS WHIPPY THINGY!

Lady at Computer:No!You've busted my flamethrower!I'm outta here!

_Lady at Computer (now in car) drives quickly away._

Neptune:Lets get the hell outta here.

********

Amara:Well, I guess there's no turning back now.

Michelle:Yeah, I know.

Amara:We had no choice.

Michelle:Yes we did!We could have gone through 5th street!

Amara:I'm telling you, 5th street is still under construction!

Michelle:They finished today!

Amara:No they didn't.They ran over schedule.

Michelle:Oh well.Now we're stuck in this damn traffic jam.This sucks.

Amara:Definitely.

********

Alright, I finally changed her name from Nina to Mina like it's supposed to be.I also changed Venus's font so it's not bright yellow anymore.Now please, don't complain about either anymore, OK?Thanks.Also, I'm well aware that Mina was the first Sailor, and that she had her own series before Moon.However, she was still added onto this one at the end of the first season to boost ratings.Either that, or she was added as part of a meaningful and intelligent story, and as far as I'm concerned, anyone with an attack called "Love and Beauty Shot" is about as far away from anything intelligent as possible.


	3. Mimet Fucks Up

Stupidity Moon

Mimet Fucks up

Dr. Mad Scientist: Oh Lord of Silence, I am sorry. I suck. You are much better than me.

Speakers (Because the Lord of Silence can't talk. Ha. Ha. What kind of stupid idea is this?): Get me more heart crystals so I can become strong as I once was!

Dr. Mad Scientist: As you wish, my lord. I have a team of specialists working on it.

Speakers: Is that supposed to impress me? You haven't had much luck so far.

Dr. Mad Scientist: Don't worry, I'll succeed this time! I'm sure!

Speakers: Whatever. Just get out of here. I want to play with my new stuffed Asuka doll. Isn't she sooooooo kawaii?

Dr. Mad Scientist: Uh, yeah. Very. I'll be going now.

* * * * * * *

Mimet (singing): I can't sing! But I'm trying anyway! I really suck and I don't remember the words! La la la la!

* * * * * * *

TV: SomeRandomSinger has a huge hit album! His fans, who call themselves SomeRandomSinger fans, really like him! SomeRandomSinger will be having auditions for young women who want to co-star in his movie! Come to SomeRandomPlace to try out!

Lita: What kinda name is "SomeRandomSinger fans"? Couldn't they do better than that?

Rei: We're not exactly in a position to criticize, considering our fans are called "moonies."

Serena: Hey, I sorta like that name.

Rei: That's because they're named after you.

Amy: Why were we watching TV when we should have been studying?

Mina: Ohhhh, he's sooooo cute! I'm going to try out! I want him to be my boyfriend! I'm in love!

Rei: That's why. She wouldn't let us turn it off. She's getting a little crazy about this guy.

Artemis: That might not be such a good idea-

Mina: I'm going to try out right away! Bye!

Lita: Shouldn't we tell her that the auditions don't start for another two days?

All others: Nah.

* * * * * * *

Dr. Mad Scientist: What's our next target, Mimet??

Mimet: It's this guy! SomeRandomSinger! Even though I'm his biggest fan, I'll try to kill him and get his pure heart!

Dr. Mad Scientist: **sigh** Alright, pick up the heartsnatcher tomorrow. It's a really good one. Because I'm a genius! HAHAHA! No, wait a minute. How come every target is a handsome young guy?

Mimet: Because, those are the guys I like to look at! They're very pure. Also, since one of the Sailors have to have a semi-romantic relationship with him, I can't exactly pick a girl, can I?

Dr. Mad Scientist: I'm not sure those are very good reasons…

Mimet: I'm so sorry. **crying** I'm so bad… I'm always wrong…

Dr. Mad Scientist: Uh… It's ok… um, just do your thing. I'm sorry for, uh, whatever I did.

Mimet: Really? Thank you so much! **Hugs Dr. Mad Scientist** You're sooooo cool!

_Mimet skips away and closes the door._

Mimet: Sucker.

* * * * * * *

Mina: Hey, receptionist, where is SomeRandomSinger?

Receptionist: He won't be here until tomorrow.

Mina: Damn, now I have to wait until tomorrow to grab him! Hey, who's that?

Mimet: Hey, who's that?

Mina and Mimet: Grrrrrrr…

Mina: Hey, your shirt is from his first concert!

Mimet: Wow, so is yours!

Mina: My name's Mina! What's yours?

Mimet: Mimet-er, Mimi! Yeah, Mimi!

Mina: Normally I'd wish you good luck, but since only one of us can win… BURN IN HELL BITCH!

Mimet: YOU TOO! I WILL WIN THIS CONTEST

Rei: Guys, cut down on the caps! Geeze, no consideration for those off set…

* * * * * * *

Mina (during interview): Aren't I cute? Heehee.

Judge: Can you do a romantic scene with SomeRandomSinger?

Mina: Uh, HELLO! I'm a fangirl! I fantasize about doing something like that!

Judge: That might not be a very good question… Alright, next.

Mimet: Uh… Um…

Judge: What's your name?

Mimet: Uh…Ah…Um…Uh…

Judge: It's a simple question.

Mimet: Ah…Um…Uh…Um…

Judge: Where do we find these people?

Mina: At least there won't be any competition from HER.

* * * * * * *

Announcer: The winners are: Somgirl1, Somegirl2, Somegirl3, Mina and Mimet-, I mean Mimi!

Mimet: God, even she slips up on my name… Good thing those Sailors are too stupid to put it together.

Mina: Hey, how did you get in? You acted like a total idiot!

Mimet: Bribe money. It can get you anywhere.

Mina: Grrrrr…

* * * * * * *

Mina: We're finally at the finals, but where is SomeRandomSinger?

SomeRandomSinger: Here I am! I'm here to wish all of you good luck!

Mina: I'd better wait until after the show to grab SomeRandomSinger. Otherwise some other fan might beat me too him…I don't think I could hold off a whole mob…

SomeRandomSinger: The person who scores over 80% of the fan vote will win! Now, Somegirl1 Goes first.

Mina and Mimet backstage: Grrrr…

Mina: You'll never win, Mimet-, I mean Mimi.

Mimet: I'll kill him before I'll let you have him!

Mina: You wouldn't go that far!

Mimet: Hell yeah I would.

Mina: I'll kill you first! Grrrr…

SomeStageGuy: Hey, Mina, you're next.

Mina: OK! **walks onstage** My name is Mina, and if you vote for me I'll make a global tax cut using the nation's surplus. It may cut as much as 5% off everyone's income tax for the year! Thank you!

StupidWheelofVotes™ gives her a 70%.

Announcer: Awww, so close! Too bad you suck…

Mina: Damn. Now how will I get SomeRandomSinger?

(backstage)

Serena: Wow, you got really close Mina!

Rei: You probably would have won, but nothing in this series can carry over to the next episode. Sorry!

(onstage, the StupidWheelofVotes™ is doing Mimet-, I mean Mimi)

70…75…85! No wait, it goes back to 75.

Announcer: Almost! Very close, but you suck Mimi. Looks like we'll have to find someone else…

Mimet: Ha! I'm not here to win this contest! I'm here to KILL SOMERANDOMSINGER! HAHAHA!

Mina: No! She was serious!

Mimet: I'm from the Bureau of Bad Behavior! So die!

Rei: That's it! Writer!

**YES?**

Rei: You have to be kidding me! I know you forget their names a lot, but "Bureau of Bad Behavior"? That is so lame! It's even worse than "Moon Kingdom"!

**UM, REI, THAT'S THE REAL NAME. I DIDN'T MAKE IT UP. I SWEAR.**

Rei: Good god! No wonder they're so screwed up! What kind of idiots have names like that?

_Mimet Transforms and unleashes the heartsnatcher._

Sailor Moon Transformation!

Sailor Mercury Transformation!

Sailor Mars Transformation!

Sailor Jupiter Transformation!

Sailor Venus Transformation!

Mars: Alright, what's the heartsnatcher going to be this time? I say microphone.

Moon: As much as I hate to agree with Rei, I'll have to say microphone.

Jupiter: I think speakers. But still pretty close.

Mercury: I'll have to go with speakers. Very close though.

Venus: I think it'll be a cute guy!

All: **sigh**

_The smoke clears, revealing a microphone heartsnatcher!_

Mars: I was right!

Moon: So was I! Haha!

Mars: Just because you copied me.

Mimet: Go, heartsnatcher! Kill them!

Micky: I have to warm up first. My voice is a very delicate tool. Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do!

Moon: Can I just blast her now?

Mars: Why not? Go ahead.

Super Chalice Cup Transformation!

SUPER RAINBOW SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- SPINNY- HEART ATTACK!

Micky: Alright, now I'm ready. Uh oh. Shit.

_Heartsnatcher dies._

Moon: Go me! Yeah! I rock!

Rei: That was difficult. Good thing she wasn't attacking you or anything. Then you would have really been in trouble.

_Up on the balcony:_

Uranus: What do they want the pure heart crystals for?

Pluto: They have found the Lord of Silence and need the crystals to restore his power.

Neptune: How do you know that?

Pluto: I don't. I'm guessing.

Uranus: Amazing how your guess is so perfectly correct.

Pluto: I'm good at guesses. Plus I'm psycic.

Uranus: Really?

Pluto: No, but it sounds cool, right?

[][1]

   [1]: http://SLADElv99.homepage.com/index.html



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